the non-narrisstic "semester of me"

Question: Did I actually keep the hopeful (but half-assed) promise from my last post to update my blog regularly?

Answer: No.

Question: Did I want do update my blog regularly, but it just kept slipping my mind & then I got pulled into the never-ending tunnel of doom, otherwise known as finals?

Answer: Yes.

And in my opinion, the fact that I wanted to update my blog is a pretty good start. Granted I didn't necessarily follow through (like, at all), but that doesn't mean that my blog was forgotten. I've actually been keeping a list on my phone of topics I've wanted to write about. That may sound like a lame excuse, but it's not an excuse so it can't be lame. HA! In order to avoid the sophomore slump, and to occupy myself because I had no boy to occupy my time (read hotel heartbreak for more info), I had a self-proclaimed "semester of me". In retrospect I didn't need to call it a semester of me because every semester of my life is pretty much all

just me at the gym... lol jk i wish i looked like this

about me (in the most non-narcisstic way possible), but my latest "semester of me" was all about bettering myself. AKA I went to the gym everyday of the week, ate extremely healthy (minus the late night drunchies and occasional stressed-out binge sessions) & threw myself into my school work. All in all I have to say it was the most successful semester of me I've had to date. I kicked ass with my grades this semester, lost 17 pounds
and worked on being more cool, calm & collected and not so sarcastic (because it can come off as insensitive and mean a lot of the time without me realizing it). So.... did I completely put my blog in the backseat? Yeah, I did. But I did so in order to work on me. And now that I'm not completely consumed by school and am home for the summer, I can 100% pinky swear that I will update my blog regularly. Third time's a charm, right?

xoxo,

Carly

midterm madness

I'm almost done my two-week hell, aka midterms. I've been a complete mess of stress for about 16 days and I'm sure a therapist would prescribe me for a serious dosage of Xanax if I asked for it. I feel like I've had only relatively small amounts of work to do so far this semester. I mean I've had work to do, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't doing much more than weekly readings and assignments. Then at the beginning of February I looked at my calendar and thought, "Holy f*&cking sh*t". I had 4 tests and 3 papers coming up in the next 3 weeks.

my second home (aka the Ugli)

Me, being the stressed out, control freak, overachiever that I am, immediately began making study guides, outlining possible essay answers and hyperventilating that I was going to have absolutely no time to do anything. I go to the library quite often because it's easy to get distracted while doing work
if you live with 75 other girls, but I've spent so much time at the library in the past two weeks that I think I should start paying rent.

Here's what was my schedule looked like for the month of February:

• February 11th: Comm 271 Critical Analysis Paper
• I've honestly never had such a confusing paper assignment in my life. The prompt literally asked us to answer 15 questions, but only one of them was supposed to be our thesis. I've already written and turned in the paper (clearly, since it's almost March) and I still don't understand what the paper was asking me to write about. We had cite abstract articles that were filled with mumbo-jumbo theories that have since been discredited. Sounds legit, right? 
• February 19th: Comm 121 Midterm
• This test came straight from hell. And it's not that I didn't study. Because I studied a shit ton. I'm almost embarrassed by the amount of hours I spent studying because c'mon... how hard can an introductory Comm class be? Let me tell you. It can be really freaking hard. Basically every class session is spent with my professor reading word-for-word the powerpoint she's prepared at an extremely fast pace. So basically for the past two months I've been listening to her read long-ass definitions of all these terms. So how do I study for the test? I memorize what all the terms mean, write down examples and figure out why it's important to know this for a Comm class. But then we take the exam and everything is application of the terms. Not what does this mean, but rather read this article and tell me where this term and that term are being applied. UM WHAT. If that's what I was going to be tested on, maybe you should have been teaching me how to apply the terms rather than reading your fucking definitions so fast that it sounded like you were on fast forward. So after me stressing out for two weeks and studying my ass off, I took an exam that tested me on absolutely nothing I had been taught to do. But guess what?! I got my grade back this morning and I got an A-. I'm honestly not sure how because I seriously thought it was the hardest exam I'd ever taken, but I'm not going to question it because this is the best miracle ever.
• February 25th: History 261 Quiz #2
• It's worth a lot of points so in my mind it's sort of a mini-exam and they grade really hard because they're looking for specifics 
• I have to study key terms from the last 3 weeks of lecture as well as important ideas from two books (one of which is the most horrible book I've ever read called Mexican Chicago)
• February 26th: Comm 121 Critical Analysis Paper Due
• So after being completely mind-fu*cked by my Comm 121 test I had to spend my week using the bullshit terms my professor taught me to analyze an advertisement
• February 27: Comm 271 Midterm
• This is for my other Comm class and the test wasn't that hard, but the key terms that we had to define were a little more abstract than I would have thought. The essay portion was kind of confusing just because the prompt was long and we had 45 minutes to answer like 3 different questions. 
• February 28: History 202 Paper
• 4 page paper analyzing 3 paintings on Indian-American relations in the West; probably my easiest assignment this month. 

It's the 27th today and I just have to add in citations to my History 202 paper and edit it one last time & then I'm done midterms! Wish me luck!

heartbreak hotel

Remember in my last blog post when I said that I was going to try and write regularly.....? Oh, you don't? Okay, good. Neither do I. I swear my ADD meds put me on some sort of superhero kick where I think I'm capable of things I'm clearly not. On the plus side, it got me to the gym today. I'm writing this post today because I have arthritis, which makes it killer on the joints in my hand if I physically write out my thoughts on paper. And since I don't want to hurt my joints by writing in a "journal" or "diary", I'm writing this blog post. I'm sure I'm going to regret posting this on my very public blog, but since I don't really think that many people read my blog besides my family (hi, mom), I'm doing it anyways.

This weekend I experienced my first heart break. Don't get confused by the past tense I just used. Just because I experienced it on Saturday night, doesn't mean I'm still not experiencing it right now. In fact, today is the first day since then that I haven't burst out in uncontrollable hysterics. So props to me. Embarrassingly enough, I got my heart broken by a boy that I wasn't even dating. I'll let that sink in.... he wasn't even my boyfriend. So I got my heart broken before I've even had my first boyfriend. What are the odds? Don't get me wrong, I don't think that the fact that we weren't dating makes the fact that it's over any easier. We weren't dating, but we weren't nothing. We were "exclusive". If you're confused, don't worry, so is my mom. In today's age there are various levels of relationship. There's random hookups, hooking up, being a 'thing', being together, being exclusive, dating and being "wifed up".

Exclusive is sort of like dating because you aren't hooking up with other people, but its not serious enough that you're actually 'significant others'. I don't know. I wish I could explain it better, but I really can't. I sort of slapped the title on me and this boy pretty quickly, of course I consulted with him first (I'm not a nutso), but I'm not the type of person who can just casually "hookup" with someone if I have feelings for them. I was basically trying to protect myself from getting hurt (which ended up backfiring anyways), but if we weren't hooking up with other people I felt more secure in whatever we were/what we could possibly be in the future.

Heres' the story: I had a crush on him, asked him to my date party and pretty soon we were texting 24/7. I thought things were going great. We continued to text over Thanksgiving break, I went to his date party when we got back to school (which is when we became exclusive), and I really thought things were going well. Why would I not? We got along great and had fun when we hung out. And we hung out sober. This is pretty big as far as college standards go. If you can hang out without the powerful confidence booster shitty frat alcohol provides, then you've got something good going.

Fast forward to winter break. We texted everyday. I was actually excited to go back to school to see him. I've never really fallen for anyone before and I wouldn't necessarily say that I "fell" for him because whatever we were, our exclusiveness or whatnot, was still relatively new, but I definitely had passed the "just a crush" phase and had entered into "actual real adult feelings" stage. We got back to school and hung out the first two days we were home and then on the third day BAM. He came over and said he wasn't ready for a relationship, or being exclusive, we had moved too fast and he just didn't have the time to give me the attention I wanted and deserved. I was in such shock that I vaguely remember what I said in response, but I know I played it super cool, calm and collected. I understood. I wasn't mad. I was glad he told me and was honest. Don't worry about a thing, I'll be fine. And then he left. And then I realized what had happened and I bawled like a baby.

I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. We texted back and forth that night because I just didn't get how he could end it. What went wrong? Did he really just not have the time? What the flying fuck did that not mean that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship or "exclusive? I was blindsided, hurt, sad and confused. I cried all Saturday night and Sunday. I would finally stop crying about it, then remember how he had told me once we got back from break that he had missed me and I started weeping all over again. I was a mess.

I truly wish I could hate him. I wish I could call him every mean name in the book and go egg his house. I wish I could hate him so that I would be angry instead of sad. But I don't hate him. I really really don't. I really really fucking wish I could hate his guts, but I have no reason to. Even after he ended it and my friends all rallied around me and said the appropriate, "He's a fucking dickhead asshole motherfucker", I disagreed. Because he really is a good guy. Not only did he end things in person, which takes balls for the shy guy that he is, but he was honest with me and did what he needed to do for him. That doesn't make the situation any less shitty or make me feel any better whatsoever, but that says something about his character.

I liked him and wanted a relationship. I made no effort to hide that. If you know me, I'm an open book and a vocal person. I don't get how he wasn't "ready to be exclusive" when we already were, but I was ready to make it official and he wasn't. He said he didn't want to "fool me into thinking that" or "lead me on" (which newsflash you fucking idiot, you completely did), but I don't want to force someone into something they aren't ready for. I really don't understand what it means that he's not be ready for a relationship, but I don't think I ever will. When I was texting him Saturday trying to figure out what was going on in his head, he said he hated hurting me because he really likes me. How can you like someone, but not want to be with them? That makes zero sense. If you like them, you find a way to be with them. That made the whole "break up" (even though we weren't dating) even worse because how can I get over someone when I still like them, and I know they still like me, and I don't understand why they're ending it because from my perspective things were going great.

I'm not making excuses for him at all. No excuses, whatsoever. I know he has a really hard schedule this semester, because he's pre-med, and that he really wasn't going to have the time to spend with me that I wanted, but that seems like such a bullshit excuse. And when did he suddenly decide he wasn't going to have the time? He ended things Saturday night and I was with him Saturday morning.... In that 12 hour period he had suddenly had an epiphany that he wasn't going to have any time to hang out and he'd feel guilty about that? You've known your second semester schedule since October! You knew you were going to be busy. Why wait until 3 days into the new semester to end it?! Why keep texting me over winter break and leading me on?! Plus, we were already exclusive so were you not ready for it then? Sorry... I know I'm getting worked up. I know he did what he needed to do, that there will be other boys, blah, blah, blah. I get that. I really really do. It just fucking sucks to get hurt.

I didn't really have a point for writing this blog post. I wasn't expecting to finish writing it and suddenly realize I'm a strong, beautiful independent woman. I didn't expect to meet some hottie at the coffee shop I'm writing this post at and have our love story be that we met while I was trying to get over my ex (not really an ex, since we didn't date, but whatever). I've just been having a lot of emotions and needed to sort them all out by writing them down. If you've made it to the end of this post.... thank you for reading. And if you know any nice Jewish boys who have extra time in their schedules to hang out & are ready for a relationship then hit me up :)

movie madness

I'm not sure if it's just me, but I feel like there have been a lot of pretty amazing movies out in theaters lately. Having a car at school has made it much easier to leave campus at a moments notice and I've gotten into the habit of driving to a theatre a little off campus every once in a while to unwind. It's easy to feel like you're in your own little world or bubble when at school because you're so removed from the daily life you lived when you were in high school and living at home with your family.  In the past month or so I've seen 3 movies in theaters and loved them all. I've also watched a lot of movies that were recently in theaters, but that are now available for purchase online, and have really enjoyed a lot of those as well so I decided to give my own little movie review.


In Theaters:

Twelve Years a Slave

If you're looking for a deep and emotional movie, definitely see this. This film follows the story of a free black man who is kidnapped and sold into slavery for 12 years, leaving behind his loved ones for a new life of labor and lashes. His story is depressing, mezmerizing and touching and so realistically portrays the brutal treatment of slaves to the point where it's hard to watch, but so worth it in the end. I had to see this movie for one of my history classes, but I would still recommend it because it forces people to recognize the flaws in American society, especially in the past, even if we want to forget them.

About Time

My friends all really wanted to see this movie and I decided to go with them not knowing one single thing about what is was about or who was in it. This movie was absolutely amazing and will forever be one of my top favorites. I don't think I've ever cried or laughed so much in a movie and on top of that the main character is Rachel McAdams, aka the most beautiful women ever. I thought I was going to see some cheesy rom-com when I sat down in the theatre, but this movie was so much more than that. It follows the story of a socially awkward, but totally sweet, guy who finds out that the men in his family can travel back in time in their own lives. Although there is a romantic component, this movie really hits home about the ups and downs of life in regards to family, time and living life like every day is your last (#yolo). This is an absolute must see & I would give it in Oscar if I could.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Jennifer Lawrence. Josh Hutchinson. Liam Hemsworth. Do I even need to say anymore? I read the Hunger Games book series so I've always been a big fan, but this movie didn't disappoint and far overreached my expectations. I saw it over Thanksgivukkah break with my whole family and everyone loved it, whether they had read the books or not, or had never seen the first movie. The costumes were phenomenal, it followed the book's plot accurately and the set was awesome and really brought the book to life. If you're looking for adventure, drama, fantasy, romance and Jennifer Lawrence (aka another one of the most beautiful women ever), then go see this movie right now.

On OnDemand, iTunes or illegally online:

The Heat

I randomly decided to watch this movie before going to bed one night because it was one of the only newish comedies that I had yet to see. I thought it was going to be one of those movies where I had already seen all the funny parts from the commercials, but I was pleasantly mistaken. This movie is a complete knee-slapper and Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy are a hilarious duo who complemented each other perfectly in this movie. I was cracking up at almost every word that they said and my roommate, who was trying to sleep while I was watching, was about ready to kill me because I couldn't stop cackling.

Before Sunset

This movie is the second in a trilogy starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Deply. The first film was done in 1995, this film was made in 2004 and the newest addition was released this year. I watched this movie in my creative writing class and I can honestly say it's one of the best movies I've ever seen. The whole movie is pretty much dialogue between two characters, Jesse and Celine, and picks up 9 years after they last saw each others as young adults in love. The conversation between them is so frustratingly real  that I was hooked from the opening scene. This movie is really unique because of how minimal everything is considering the movie focuses on two people walking around France having a conversation about their lives. I give it 100 out of 5 stars. 

We're the Millers

This movie was another one that I'd never seen that I assumed was going to be sorta funny, but not really worth my time unless I had nothing better to do. My family bought it on OnDemand during Thanksgivukkah break, even though they had already seen it in theaters, and once again I was proved wrong. I probably looked like I was going through an exorcism because of how much I was rolling around on the floor due to my non-stop laughter. Jason Sudekis, Emma Roberts, Jennier Aniston, Nick Offerman, Kathryn Han and Ed Helms all star in the movie so I should have known how funny it would be with this outrageously talented and hilarious cast. 

Feel free to comment with any movie suggestions for me to watch!

thanksgivukkah

Thankgivukkah! 

This year was a special year. Thanksgiving & Chanukah happened to overlap one another, which meant that rather than celebrating just one holiday, I got to celebrate two. The University of Michigan enjoys giving their students the shortest breaks known to mankind (how considerate of them, right?). Technically, we only get Thanksgiving Thursday and the following Friday off, but I took the liberty of extending my break by missing three days of classes. I left school Monday afternoon and was home sweet home that night.

Usually, my family's thanksgiving is at my aunt's house in Michigan. Before I went away to college this was totally fine with me, but now that I'm in Michigan for most of the year I want to be home in Chicago for my breaks so I can sleep in my own bed and see my friends. Last year was the first year I can remember that I haven't spent thanksgiving with my maternal grandparents and mom's sisters family. It was fine, but it wasn't the same and my family missed being together because that had always been our tradition.

My cousins, my brother, my grandparents & I

So this year we had Thanksgiving at my house. Next year, to be fair, we're going to spend Thanksgiving in Michigan and then switch off every other year. As much as I'd love Thanksgiving to be at my own house every year, I get why it's fair to change it every year so that everyone gets to spend time with their friends at home/sleep in their own beds during the break.

Needless to say we were all super excited about Thanksgivukkah (the coined term for the mixed American/Jewish holidays) because who doesn't want to eat turkey and latkes in the same meal?! The meal was absolutely AMAZING, DELICIOUS and 5-STAR RESTAURANT WORTHY. I was full after eating only appetizers (which were spinach-artichoke dip with baked crackers, my mom's famous baked salami & cranberry brie). This was the first Thanksgiving that I've worn jeans and let me tell you it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. 5 minutes in to dinner I thought the seams were going to burst and I was feeling constricted and uncomfortable. Granted, I just kept eating because everything tasted like heaven, but I'm 100% wearing leggings next year.

Dessert table that put me in a food coma...

Dinner consisted of a 25 lb turkey, matzah stuffing, cranberry slices, this amazing rice/noodle dish, kugel, brussel sprouts topped with pine nuts, plain and sweet potato latkes, carrot soufflé, corn soufflé, my Mimi Lynne's famous strawberry jell-o and an amazing kale salad with corn, pomegranate seeds and cornbread croutons. I'm sure I'm forgetting some things, but those are all the things I had on my plate (stop judging me). After I ate I laid on the floor for a solid 45 minutes to try to digest my food, and because I was so full I was having trouble breathing. I thought I was in the clear until my mom started setting up dessert. I should have just saved some dessert in the fridge for the next day, but I decided to be ambitious and ate a frosting filled vanilla cupcake, a slice of apple pie and a mini lemon-raspberry bunt cake. Full disclosure, I was so full & sick to my stomach from eating so much that I sat in a warm bath for 30 minutes because I felt like I was going to combust.

half of our shopping bags

I passed out by 9:30 because I was in a major food coma and woke up on Black Friday at 5:30am ready to shop. We decided to go the Fashion Outlets of Chicago (I've written about them in a previous post) because they have a lot of good shops that would be even cheaper on this day because of all the sales. We were at the mall from 7:00am to 2:00pm… I've never shopped so much in my life. We went to Tory Burch, Vince Camuto, Vince, All Saints, Saks, Forever 21, Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus and a couple of other random stores. The amount of stuff we bought is embarrassing, but in our defense everything we got was for a really price because it was on sale and/or at a discounted price!

My dog Blue :)

In conclusion, my Thanksgivukkah consisted of eating way too much, shopping way too much, cuddling with my dog who I'm allergic to way too much and doing way too much of absolutely nothing but hanging out with my family who I'm very thankful for. I hope everyone had a meaningful and relaxing Thanksgiving, and for fellow members of the tribe I hope your Thanksgivukkah experience was memorable!

long time, no blog

It's November 16th and I'm sitting on the 3rd floor of the undergraduate library feeling extremely overwhelmed studying for a Comm exam that's worth almost half of my grade in the class. So I decided to take a break so that I don't have a mental breakdown and start crying in the library and decided what better way to relax then to write a blog post! Considering I've been at school for 3 months and have yet to write one single post, I figured it was time to get myself back in the game. Killing two birds with one stone: avoiding studying and actually getting back into the habit of writing.

What have I been up to in the past three months that have inhibited me from writing in the Carly Chronicles?

Short answer: a lot.
Long answer:

me & my 52 roomies

• I moved into my sorority house (go Chi O!) with 52 other girls
• I've been to the hospital twice (once for a concussion, another time because I'm an idiot of epic proportions)
• I signed my very first lease for the apartment I'm living in next year
• side note: I also dealt with the drama of figuring out where I'm living next year and deciding if I wanted to run for a position in the house (which resulted in tearful phone calls to my mom)
• I changed my major about 6 times.



the t-shirt I got for declaring my major

•  I'm officially a declared History major and plan on declaring in Comm as well once I finish my prerequisites
• I've gone to every Saturday morning football tailgate, but haven't attended a single Michigan football game
• Sorry mom & dad, but I just don't like sports and I like making a profit on selling my tickets
• I became a big and got two littles who I'm obsessed with (shout out to Maddy & Dana)
• I've written 5 papers, taken 4 tests and written one short story
• I've fallen in "luv" with about a million boys 
• I've started (and caught up to) 7 TV shows
• The Mindy Project, New Girl, Trophy Wife, Homeland, The White Queen, Chicago Fire, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
• I discovered the best movie of all time… Before Sunset (go watch it, it'll change your life)
• I've eaten an insane amount of sushi, picked up so many prescriptions at CVS that they all know my name and birthday, gone through two umbrellas because they flip in the rain and get stuck like that, spent probably too much money while online shopping in class & have gone through about 50 pens because they keep disappearing

saturday morning tailgates

In summary: I've had the most amazing sophomore year and it's not even halfway over yet (thank goodness). 

I'm going to try and regularly post on my blog because it's cathartic (that's a term I need to memorize for my comm test, so I guess I'm studying somewhat) and because I really do enjoy writing. My year has been hectic and crazy, which is stressful at times, but I'm loving school and couldn't be happier! Stay tuned because I'll be back soon (and it won't be another 3 months, I promise).

compulsive buying

If you're anything like me you're somewhat of a compulsive shopper. You go into a store with a list of a few items you need, but you leave the store over two hours later with about twenty extra products that you just had to have. This happens to me pretty much every time I step into a Target or Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Xhilaration Sallie Studded Wedges

Last week, my mom brought home an adorable pair of brown suede wedges from Target for me to try on. I'm flat-footed and clumsy, which is a horrible combination for walking in high heels because I waddle and look like I'm walking with a stick up my butt. But I could actually walk normally and comfortably in the pair my mom had brought home! This never happens to me so I decided to buy them in black as well. Thankfully, the Target in Wheeling said they had a pair in my size and would put them on hold for me.

1D wall decals  

I went this morning to pick them up and although I went to Target specifically to buy the black wedges (which were only $14.50 on clearance), I ended up spending over $60 dollars on an assortment of items that I felt the need to purchase. I bought One Direction wall decals, an assortment of gel pens, Scotch tape, a lint brush, Mott's Apple White Grape single packets and ear plugs. If you're judging me for buying these things it's totally okay because I'm judging myself as well. I'm 19-years-old and I bought wall stickers of a British boy band, I already have 500 pens that work just fine so I'm not sure why I bought more and I honestly don't think I've ever used Scotch tape before....

My mindset when I buy things that I "need" is that if I don't get them right now they might not be there in the future. Plus, I can always return them if I decide I don't want them! As true as this is I usually end up buying stuff I realistically don't have any purpose for or will never use. But when you're walking through the aisles of a store and you spy cool stuff that you don't have, it's easy to just throw it in the cart and justify to yourself that you'll find some use for it. Even if the items are relatively cheap individually, when you put fifteen different cheap items in your cart the price begins to add up!

The same thing that happened to me at Target today happens to me quite often. Just last week I was at Bed, Bath & Beyond to buy a closet rod extension and ended up buying a sinus relief eye mask and a reusable plastic red cup (looks like a typical "party" Red Solo Cup) as well.

Sinus Relief Eye Mask

There's certain stores that I go to that I always seem to just buy everything and anything that catches my eye! Here's some stores that are dangerous for me to shop in alone:

• TJ Maxx
• The Container Store
• Costco
• Target
• Walmart
• Best Buy
• Kohl's
• Bed, Bath & Beyond
• Nordstrom Rack

Let me know if there's any other stores I should avoid shopping at on my own so I don't compulsively buy more!